Scribbit’s holding another of her famed write-away contests. I always have good intentions of entering, not for the prize or the flashy button, but because I like Michelle and her blog, in fact, her blog is one of the only to survive many a feed cull over the past eighteen months!

This months subject is ‘Things That Scare Me’. I was going to write about parenting, but when I started to assemble a list I realised that on the whole there isn’t very much that scares me, of course I fear for Erin’s wellbeing, but day to day I feel that for the most I’m in control of the situation. My mind wandered to what else I could write about, consciously trying to avoid the obvious.

I’m a little scared of training to be a teacher. There are several aspects that make it risky, and I think it is these risks that provide the fear factor;

The Length of Study

Two open learning maths course, one now until December, the other in March one morning a week for a few months. From September a years access course at college, followed by a four year university degree. About six years in all.

To Combat The Fear: I’m justifying it to myself that I wouldn’t have been able to work full time anyway as Erin will only be at school/nursery part-time. Also the starting salary is about £7000 more than the wage I could earn by simply rejoining the work force as is. The payoff both in job satisfaction and monetarily is definitely there.

Fear of Failure at Every Stage

First there are these Maths courses. Maths is my worst subject, both in my academic ability and my enjoyment. The fear of failure is pretty high. I think I’ll be ok at the access course, providing I pass the entrance test! Then there’s the interview to get onto the degree course, about 50% get in. Finally the degree itself, I think it’s the quantity of work that scares me the most. Then the added fear of ‘what if I’m rubbish at the job’ eek!

To Combat The Fear: At every stage I have a fall back. If I fail at the maths or the access course I can still become a teaching assistant, not nearly as desirable or lucrative but at least I can still work in the same sector. Failure at the interview would mean reapplying for a different degree, ie social work or childhood education, I would then do a one year teaching course. Failure at the degree would be the biggest problem, but at least I would have more qualifications than I do now. Overall that’s the way I’m trying to look at it, failure at any stage will be disappointing but even passing the maths course alone gives me something to add to my CV. What’s the saying “better to have tried and failed than never to have tried at all” or something like that

Financial Burden

Going back to full time education costs money, both in fees/books/travel etc and in loss of earnings. I’m pretty lucky in Scotland that the degree is free and I’ll also receive some financial help, some of which is not repayable. I have actually investigated and found that I am actually unlikely to be any worse off and I’ll have some qualifications to boot. This is a win-win situation for us. Where we will lose is in loss of earnings, but those earnings wouldn’t have been significant, in fact it will probably take about a year of employment as a teacher to recoup what I will have lost.

To Combat The Fear: This started out as a fear, but a little research into grants etc has put the fear to rest.

Juggling Full-Time Study and Motherhood

I feel like for a while, especially when Erin is in nursery, full-time education and (almost) full-time parenting will be a juggle.

To Combat The Fear: I need to make sure that when Erin is at school, in bed or being cared for by someonelse that studying is the first thing on my to-do list. In the new house I need to establish a place I can go and get peace to get on with it too.

Being Financially Dependant

I will remain financially dependant for the time I’m in full-time education, this makes me slightly uncomfortable.

To Combat The Fear: Remember that this is an investment in the future, and my future employment will be more lucrative, which will benefit the whole family.

Fear That I Won’t Be Able To Get A Job

I worry that if I do manage to complete all the training that there may not be enough jobs to go round.

To Combat The Fear: There isn’t really much I can do about this, other than console myself that I could take an associated job or private tutor for a while.

Fear That I May Not Enjoy The Job

This is perhaps the most ridiculous of all. The fear is that I will eventually get a job and then not really enjoy it.

To Combat The Fear: I will be doing a stint as a volunteer helper in a school at the start of next year (hopefully).

Realise that I have already had decent experience working in a nursery, and will have done lots of placements during training, so if I don’t enjoy it I’m not going to suddenly realise that on the first day of my new job