Competition – Is it really such a bad thing?
We’re hearing it all the time in the media, banning schools sports days, discouraging competition, and here Craig tells of a television programme exploring the concept of not being graded at school.
My thoughts today – when did competition become the evil enemy?
I must admit I am quite competitive, I like to compete, and, yes I like to win (my husband has likened me to Monica in the Friends episode where she plays table tennis!). If I lose I feel a strong force inside me to improve and do better. I think this is a good thing, it means that I am constantly striving to do better, whether it’s winning a promotion or winning at Monopoly (Alex I WILL win next time).
When I was younger, my brother and I would always compete, board games, obstacle courses, quizzes. It was fun, sometimes he would win, sometimes I would win. There were a few occasions where neither of us would win. We used to like drawing or painting pictures, we would spend a long time carefully colouring in, or drawing the perfect house only for our judge (mum) to announce a draw 
Were we satisfied? No, we felt robbed, we would beg her to choose someone, but like most parents they don’t like to choose between their kids. The moral of the story here is that kids like competition, without it they don’t know where they are, if you don’t know how good you are how will you have the motivation to improve?
As parents are we providing too much of a ‘cushy’ existence as Craig says. In my opinion yes we are. We never want to upset our kids, we are reluctant to show any disappointment in case we knock their fragile self esteems. The truth is that kids aren’t that fragile they are pretty robust and receiving a fair and honest assesment of their achievements and failures (there I said it) is what they deserve and respect.
It’s like the idea that if you never have anything bad happen how will you be appreciative or even recognise when things are good? I want Erin to know in her heart that when I praise something I mean it, and, when my reaction is a bit less enthusiastic I hope that she will strive to do better.
Of course you have to tailor your reactions to each child, a ‘B’ grade might be a real achievement for one kid, or a bit of an underachievement for another. I don’t expect perfection, each parent knows their own kids and their strengths and weaknesses and should praise accordingly.
What do you think about competition for kids? Do you encourage it?
Photo by flickr user DrMoores
Couldn’t agree more Erica, I think all you end up with when you eliminate competition from schooling and childhood is kids who grow up to be adults who can’t handle or even understand the very real competition they face in the adult world. It’s good to occasionally suck at something – it teaches you a lot.
I agree with you. Children need to understand that the world is a competitive place and sometimes you win, sometimes you lose.
This whole pc rubbish that “everyone is a winner” drives me nuts. At my child’s sports day they won’t say who won they just say well done to all the children for participating.
Children need to learn how to deal with both successes and failures – wrapping them up in cotton wool will only give them false hopes.
That’s terrible, the person who did win will wonder why they bothered making the effort??
For me that should be politically incorrect!
Our two boys are terribly competitive and I haven’t discouraged that so much as the gloating of the winner. I’ve tried to let them do their thing but teach them to be good sports when they win or lose.
Totally agree with the gloating thing Michelle, it’s all about learning to win and lose as manicmama says.
There is a time and a place for everything. Not everything has to be a competition, but neither does everything have to come out with everyone a winner. Children need to learn to compete fairly and graciously. They also need to learn to do their best just for the sake of doing their best – no matter what the outcome. Competition that is handled well by the adults in their life can be good for all involved.
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DigitalRich
I guess I have a different perspective on this because I don’t have a competitive bone in my body. I like to do my personal best, but I’ve never compared myself to other people. So I don’t have to tell you that I have a couple of competitive kids, of course. They’ve been known to ask me which had the best nosebleed. (Hard to judge on that one. Is it length or volume?) I think a little competition is normal, but I refuse to judge art or anything else that’s subjective. Like I tell my kids, some things you have to judge for yourself, instead of having someone else’s opinion tell you whether you did well. We don’t have the sports day thing, because they learn at home, but I’ve refereed some pretty intense pickup basketball games in our driveway.
I got here from the Carnival of Family Life 51st edition.
Lill
I would say volume would be the deciding factor there Lill
I was a very competitive child, and my son certainly is.
I think the lack of competitive sports in schools is making it harder for kids to lose gracefully. All this “a medal for everyone for doing their best” is OK with very little kids, but when they get to 8 they know who’s fast at running and who’s rubbish, because they spend all their playtime running about, and they notice these things.
It doesn’t mean they don’t like their friends who don’t win, it just means they get used to different people excelling at different things.
Hear, hear. Today’s society is too namby pamby towards competition, or anything that might show one child as being more successful than the next, it doesn’t reflect real life at all.
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