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By Little Mummy, March 18, 2010 12:34 am

I’m blowing my own cornet today rather than the larger trumpet as I used to play the cornet (another useless fact for you, thank me later) and as I said cornets are smaller so it’s easier to blow your own cornet

I’m joining in with the Sleep is For The Weak Writing Workshop this week and I’m tackling prompt five.

5. Tell us about something, or show us something that you do really, really well and are proud of.

There are many things I’m actually quite proud of, for example my daughter and my marriage. I’m very proud of those things they take a lot of work to maintain but bring me the most happiness and comfort.

On a personal level I’m proud of my mum blogger e-course. I’ve produced something under my own steam that nearly three hundred people want to use, and lots and lots of people have promoted and emailed me to say thanks.

I’m proud that I’m only one 2500 word essay away from getting an HNC in Business Studies, it’s taken a couple of years studying from home but it’s the first step towards that coveted degree I’m after.

Mostly I’m proud that I’m living authenticly. My family get to do what they want to do, both in a work capacity and in their free time. We don’t chase material success as it simply isn’t important to us, the few material things we’ve really wanted we’ve bought (I love you my lovely iPhone). We believe in working to live rather than living to work which can sometimes be at odds with the society around us. Things aren’t perfect, I’m sure my husband would rather be a film director with a range rover sport parked in front of a country mansion, myself I’d like a ‘grand designs’ house with a cleaner and a home office overlooking stunning scenery and a mezzanine balcony where I’d have amazing barbecues, but we’re realists and in less you get very lucky or decide to work 80 hours a work for several years then it’s not going to happen.

I established pretty set views on what I wanted from life after reading the book Authentic: How to Make a Living by Being Yourself. It’s one of the best non fiction books I’ve read in terms of getting you to think about what you really want from life and not be swayed by societal expectations.

If this sort of thing interests you I wrote a series on what I learned from the book, it’s four years old now but mostly still relevant.

What are you proud of?

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By Little Mummy, July 24, 2006 3:32 am

Imagine your life as an onion.

Photo by Flickr user James Jin

You are at the core with several layers around you. The first few layers are jucy and tasty (fulfilling), however, the further out you get the thinner the layers become, the less tasty they are until eventually you come to the final layers and they aren’t tasty at all. You get rid of those layers.

That is pretty much your life (I’ve only had one tia maria honest!)

You are the centre of the onion. The first few layers represent food, shelter and clothing. The next layers are your car, phone, internet, annual holiday. The final layers are the take-aways, boozy nights out, excessive amounts of cds, dvds, jewellery, the third (or fourth!) television, the starbucks coffee every morning (that old chestnut eh?)

The first layers are life’s necessities and thus should be paid for and provided before everything else. So that is ;

Food

Mortgage/Rent

Clothes (basics only)

Second layer items are luxuries, although nowadays they are often seen as necessities. Examples are;

A (yep, that’s just one) Car

Annual holiday

Phone and Internet connection (not necessarily a mobile)

You should only have these if you can afford them (ie if you have met the necessities above and saved the desirable amount – more on that later).

The final layer represents the extravagances. Take-aways, alcohol, designer stuff, entertainment. These should be seen largely as treats. Often, however, these are the reasons people justify working long hours.

This (very) simple chart represents a sensible way to apportion your earnings to each ‘layer’. The larger lilac section is the necessity section (food, shelter, clothing & savings). The indigo or dark purple section is the car, holiday, phone, internet bit. And the smaller blue slice is the luxuries budget. If you stick to this kind of income divider no matter what you earn you can live comfortably and retire on time (or early!) – as the more you earn the more you will be saving and investing too.

You can read more on budgeting and investing here in a ’simple’ 3-step plan to growing rich slowly.

If you cut down on extravagances you can simplify your life.

Less extravagance > Less money > Less work > More FREEDOM

More time to spend doing what you love. The same principles apply to time. Cut down on tv and other wasteful time-users, you could free up the time for what you really want to do. Read my post on finding that 25th hour for strategies on how to release more time for hobbies, family time, exercising, blogging or starting a new business (stay tuned for my next series!).

Not really sure if you want to simplify your life, try it for 30 days and see what impact it has on your life……You can always go back

That concludes the ‘Authentic Series’.

Part 1 – Introducing Authentic Living
Part 2 – Authentic Choice
Part 3 – The Happy Formula
Part 4 – Authentic – A Religion?
Part 5 – Authentic Education
Part 6 – Finding Your Purpose
Part 7 – Simplify Your Life

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By Little Mummy, June 22, 2006 10:27 am

Religion – there I said it, are you cowering at what is to come. Or maybe it’s just me, because as soon as I hear the ‘R’ word in my house I know my husband is gonna be on a rant, a 5 minute one if I’m lucky….much much longer if not.

He is an atheist (my words not his), but it goes further than that, he vehemently discredits religion at any and all opportunities. He is not usually forceful with his opinions.

His main arguments roughly are; no proof of any God, believes that followers are misguided at best, weak willed at worst, religion being a major cause of war and hurt.

He is not a man without morals though; he believes in caring for his family, being faithful, working hard both in work and in being a good person, against violence and theft. Not because a book (the bible?) has told him too but because he knows these are the morals that equal a good person.

So back to Authentic Living, instead of a biblical 10 commandments, what if we were to replace them with our own promises.

I will care for my family as best I can; this will help society as I will rear children in a positive manner and hopefully the chances will be higher that they will become positive citizens and in turn their own children will be positive citizens

I will be faithful to my husband

I will not go to church on a Sunday, I will make this family time; doing something together (notice the first commandment in simple terms is to put God before any other, is God going to look after my baby?, is he taking active steps to rear good citizens to rid society of it’s evils?)

I will live within my means; (an important one in today’s society) where possible I will buy what I can afford and afford what I buy, by doing this I will not need to steal

I will endeavour to be a valuable member of society; If I see someone in trouble I will try and help, I will not turn my back.

Maybe if God were visible and active today (some may say that he is?, I say, if the eyes can’t see and the ears can’t hear then how do I know), then his commandments may have been updated to make them more relevant today. Maybe he/she would changed them to put family first, to live within one’s means, not to be so concerned with taking names in vain and attending church but to live a life that is good, and that makes us happy – surely that is more important?

For now then I will live my own life and make my own rules. I will live authenticly.

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By Little Mummy, June 21, 2006 9:58 am

Out of interest I did a search on the definition of the word ‘normal’.

The definition was ‘common’. The synonyms included ‘average’, ‘commonplace’, ‘general’, ‘ordinary’, ‘run-of-the-mill’, ’standard’, ‘typical’ and ‘usual’.

Doesn’t sound that great does it. Being normal. So why does everyone want to be normal?

Social conditioning, familial and community acceptance.

Ok so we all want to be normal for good reasons but what is normal? Is your normal the same as my normal? Not everyone’s normal can possibly be the same because surely being normal is being and doing what is right…

‘There is no right than is more right than your right’ Neil Crofts

Now, then, we are not looking to find what is ‘normal’ but what is right…..for ourselves, and, of course our family.

What is right for me;

I have made a list. At the top will be what is most important down to what is less important (but still important) at the bottom. Erin is at the top over my husband only because she is more dependant on me.

Erin (her happiness and health)
My Husband (his happiness and health)
My Health (my happiness is Erin’s and Alex’ happiness and health – already on the list)
My Home (house and location)
Hobbies

* I have not included the rest of our family in this, of course they are very important to us all but I did not think it right to include them as I can’t be responsible for their happiness.

So if what is ‘right’ = happiness

The Happy Formula

Then happiness = Erin + My Husband +My Health + My Home+ Hobbies (being at optimum levels for supreme happiness)

Erin – In my mind (and my husband’s), will be most healthy and happy when she is loved and cared for by a family member, ideally me.

Therefore I must make looking after her my full time job (so to speak).

My Husband – He is happy when we (Erin and I) are happy, doing a job he enjoys and pursuing hobbies. Oh yes and he would also like a house with a drive to stop the car getting wrecked!

Therefore he must do a job he enjoys and I must make sure there is time for him to pursue hobbies outside work time.

My Health – I have Crohn’s Disease so this one can be particularly difficult. Smoking and stress are the main triggers.

Therefore I have given up smoking (over a year ago) and not working and rushing about means lower stress levels.

My Home – We would like to live in a more family friendly location, preferably in a house with a garden.

Therefore we need to earn enough money for this, so I have been working on a few projects from home and my husband makes sure that he is earning as much as he can whilst still doing a job he enjoys (because this is higher on the list than our home).

Hobbies -Alex’ hobbies, my hobbies, and doing activities that Erin enjoys.

Therefore to pursue hobbies you need time, so at least two days a week should be left free (providing monetarally we can afford to pay for essentials, house, food and bills).

Still with me?

So for my happiness; I must look after Erin, being a full-time mum. I must take care of as much of the home affairs as possible so that Alex can pursue hobbies outside of work (as much as is possible with a baby!). I should continue not to smoke and try and find work that I can do at home. We should keep at least two days free where possible to be a family and pursue hobbies.

That is what we should do, that is what we do, and that is why (for the most) we are happy.

This is not gloating, anyone can do this and work out what will make them happy and what is right for them. You might be surprised at how low money and material objects come on your list, and, if they are at the top, then you know what you have to do. Be a corporate slave and earn that cash. Good Luck.

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By Little Mummy, June 20, 2006 2:53 am

One of the central themes of Authentic Living is consumerism. In this post I will deal specifically with choice.

You may be wondering how choice is a problem. Surely having the ‘luxury’ of choice is a positive thing, and it is, but like most things – it’s best in moderation.

The problem today is that we have too much choice, just take a look at our shopping outlets, only a couple of generations back our relatives were doing all their grocery shopping on one street, probably between only four or five outlets; Butcher, Baker, Fishmonger, Greengrocers… and they could probably do the rest of their shopping on that street too.

Now look at our grocery outlets. Most people now shop in ‘Super’ markets, and, not content with just being super, they are also ‘Extra’.

In the largest stores you can literally buy anything. And everything. CD players next to scourers next to packet noodles next to children’s clothes and so on…..

Consumerism is a problem for Authentic Living as it drives us to earn more money to pay for more ’stuff’, mostly stuff that you do not need and often that you do not really want (intoducing ebay – auction site for millions of unwanted items).

We’ve all done it , bought something on a whim, maybe it was a ‘bargain’ or it had gimmicky advertising, or it was ‘in fashion‘ (for about ten minutes). Stop for a moment and think about who drives fashion, who decides what is ‘fashionable’, and for how long…..does it feel that fashions/trends move a lot quicker now? Hmm why is that?

Ever heard anyone saying ‘I’m so indecisive’, ‘I can never make up my mind’, the problem here is too much choice, they are worried about making the wrong decision and missing out. I bet if you were to give someone only two alternatives they would find it much easier – I thought I’d test this theory.

Scenario; Person A is coming to visit soon. She is a self-confessed indecisive person.

Me: Hi, when you come up on Monday, what would you like for tea? You can choose anything you want and I will make it.

Person A: Oooohh…hmmmm, I don’t know (panic in her voice) mmmm………uhhhhh……..can you leave it with me? (It was just a quick question?)

Me: Ok, what if I said I only had Lasagne or Steak?

Person A: mmm Steak please.

That was a real conversation. Faced with too many possibilities/choices she hesitated, panicked even. She wanted to choose the best possible meal, she couldn’t choose any. However, faced with two options the decision was made in seconds, she was comfortable with this. A quick comparison could be made because there was no fear of missing out on something better.

Less choice led to more happiness not less. This is probably a surprise to most people.

The same principle applies to children, that is why we only give them two choices or a maximum of three, we don’t want them to be spoilt for choice.

Also as a result of having too much choice, we purchase more than we need. During the confusion of too many choices we can’t make up our minds, ‘I can’t decide’, ‘I’ll just take both’, sound familiar? Or have you ever done your food shopping and found that you have bought more than you can eat? or lots of products but nothing that makes an actual meal? Too much choice

The only solution is to limit our choices ourselves – you could argue that this is choice within itself, and it is, but what alternative do we have in a world of ever increasing choice and variety.

Less choice will make you happier and more content in the long run.

Of course less money = less choice, and I will discuss that further in Part 3

For now though just remember to be a person – your own person, and not merely just a consumer. You are who you are, your are not what you own.

Until next time….Have fun

Little Mummy

Part 1 – Introducing Authentic Living

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By Little Mummy, June 18, 2006 5:38 am

Authentic Living ; Living a life that’s right for you and that you are comfortable with. Doing a job that you love(whether that be bringing up your children, pursuing a hobby as a business, or writing a book). Spending more time on hobbies and with family. Making the most of what you have and not selling out for the things you don’t.

Just be yourself.

We’ve all found ourselves changing our character to suit work environment, family environment etc… the time we spend being ourselves is diminished and in it’s place a hollow, soulless person remains. A corporate junkie working until 11pm for the next fix; new car, promotion, latest gadget….missing out on the things that real happiness are made of – family, friendship, a sense of belonging, feeling adequate and loved.

Authentic living is about being yourself all of the time, putting yourself first as opposed to money, believing that there is an alternative to working 50+ hours a week, sweating your way to the next promotion only to find that the next step is just more work and another promotion.