Littlemummy.Com

Before I start, this is not another post about whether abortion should be legal or not, and I would like to keep that discussion for another day. Thanks

I want to discuss abortion where it directly relates to parenting.

Did you know that a girl of any age may have a termination without consent?

Did you know that nobody need even tell you. Ever.

This is actually the law in Britain. I found out this fact via a book from harper collins which I will be reviewing, however, I can see me writing quite a few of these discussion pieces as I read - You Want to Do What?

I found this fact pretty frightening. I would hate for Erin to go through something like this and not have my support, or worse still, not want my support.

In my opinion, this law should be changed to give a parent the right to be made aware of a termination situation before age 16 with full rights regarding the final decision remaining with the minor.

I understand why the law is as it is, clearly some parents would not be supportive and may use threatening behaviour to sway a decision, but I’d like to think, and perhaps I’m being naive here, that most parents would be an asset in such a difficult situation. I would see myself assisting a daughter in exploring all avenues, perhaps raising points that they hadn’t thought of and expressing my unique viewpoint on whether I think my daughter could cope with such huge responsibility.

……………………………………….

As indicated in the title I want this to be a discussion, and I’m very interested to hear everyone’s take on this. When commenting please stick to the topic, this is a discussion so I expect there to be people with different viewpoints but let’s keep it constructive, abusive comments will be deleted. Thanks, look forward to hearing your thoughts…

Inevitably there are occasions when you want to take your toddler out later than usual. Weddings, birthday parties and family meals out, are just some of the occasions we’ve attended with Erin.

By the time our babies have become todders, we’ve fully mastered the bedtime routine and have the timings and tricks down to a fine art, ensuring our sanity and marriages survive by giving them a precious few hours of toddler-free time each evening.

So, how then, do we reverse this routine when we want the exact opposite effect? I have followed some simple steps which seem to have worked quite well, I always follow this pattern when I know we have a big event coming up and I want Erin to be at her best to get full enjoyment. These steps may be obvious, or perhaps you have your own tricks - if you do, please share.

1. Move Meal Times

Either move lunch time later or dinner time earlier, ensuring that when they are out they will be hungry enough to want to eat. This helps on two scores, the first advantage is that it gives you another thing to occupy them among your bag of tricks - food, secondly if it’s a meal or there will be a buffet I like Erin to experience the new food. For example when we go to a chinese restaurant she loves prawn crackers and prawn toast, food that she wouldn’t usual get at home. Sharing a meal with the rest of the family also makes her feel involved.

2. Nap Later

Most people I know follow the nap later rule. I usually try and encourage a nap for about an hour to an hour and a half, about and hour before going out. I always try and keep a full hour of awake time before we are due to go out to give her chance to wake up and get dressed without the need to rush, minimizing the stress and maximizing the excitement - Erin usually figures out something exciting is about to happen as she is familiar with this alternate routine. This is an important point, Erin doesn’t become anxious or upset as she recognises this routine and knows that it leads to meeting family and usually lots of attention!

3. The Bag of Tricks

I include a few things in my bag of tricks. Her own bottle of juice/water. Two toys (quieter ones!). Snacks, usually chopped strawberries and grapes and a dry product like crisps or crackers. For the final stages of the evening, milky buttons and a dummy.

4. The Evening

When we arrive I’ll start by giving her the bottle of water/juice. Everyonelse is ordering their drinks and she doesn’t feel left out as she has her own ’special’ bottle. I try and mirror what the adults are doing so that she feels involved.

I give her a bit of anything from the meal that she likes ie. prawn crackers, chips, prawn toast and give her a little ‘picnic plate’ that she can feed herself. She enjoys this as she feels independent being able to feed herself while we are having our own meal, she also displays some good manners as she copies everyonelse at the table.

This usually keeps her occupied until about halfway through the meal when I bring out her own snacks, she will usually eat quite a bit as I’ve adjusted her meals from the afternoon. Once the snacks are finished, I will give her the first toy which she’ll play with until the main meal is finished.

At desert, again, she will have a little of what I’m having - it’s a special occasion after all, and then she’ll have her buttons as a treat.

Finally she’ll have the final toy, and do the rounds saying ‘hello’ to everyone. By this time she is beginning to fade but it’s usually late anyway. If we need to, we’ll give her a dummy even though she usually only has it when she is in bed, it gets her through the last twenty minutes.

Once she’s had enough we don’t push it. We try and be quite quick to say goodbye with minimal fuss, I think this keeps her memories of the evening positive and when it’s time to stay out late again she looks forward to it.

5. The Morning After

As with us adults, the morning after usually lacks routine and we tend to muddle through gently moving back to the old routine. Erin will usually nap a bit more and be up slightly later but it’s worth it to know that she has had full enjoyment from the big occasion.

Photo by flickr user Nyx

Erin and I went to the park today with a couple of friends. On previous visits to the park she has shown minimal interest, she would entertain a short go on the swing, and that was it. Today she was happy to swing for ages, I then put on her reins so she could toddle freely, she climbed up and down the climbing frame ramps, went through and under anything she could go through and under (dragging me with her), tried on several occasions to climb up the slide, and on even more occasions lifted her arms to be put at the top of the slide and squeeled with glee as she went hurtling down.

It occurred to me amidst all the fun, how slow and fast each phase goes. Let me explain. When she wasn’t walking it seemed like we were at the cruising phase for ages, now that all of a sudden she is fully mobile and asserting her independence the cruising phase seemed so short and is now a dim and distant memory, never to be experienced again.

And there it is, the bit that strikes a big dart of sadness into a parent’s heart - never to be experienced again. Once its gone, it’s gone forever. You can’t bring the baby cuddles back, the first smile, the happy to sit still bit, the weaning, the learning to walk… when the phase seems long and neverending remember that the phase will be over sooner than you think and you won’t be looking back remembering the difficult bits, you’ll only remember the good bits and wish that you can experience each happy moment just one more time, and you can’t.

It’s always just a phase, enjoy it while you can, because tomorrow it’s gone forever.

Erin has begun asserting her perceived authority by answering “no” to nearly all of my suggestions, in fact she responds with the n-o-word to practically everything I say. I might have just concluded that she has learned the word and wants to use it as much as possible, however, I believe she knows what it means.

Sometimes we get a straight and definite NO, other times she pauses for thought and gives a marginally more gentle no, coupled with scrunched up nose and shake of the head for effect, ….uh…..no (shake and scrunch). The final version is just no, no, no, no, no.

I’m trying to combat the constant no’s by showing her that “yes, please” is a good alternative when you do indeed want something. Currently “whas-iss-iss” and a little pointed finger is her way of purveying her want/need for something. This whole different communication channel is so exciting in comparison to the grunts and crys we’ve been trying to decipher for the last 17 months.

This weeks’ habit was patience, in particular being a patient parent. Erin is on the verge of starting to push the boundaries, which I’m sure in turn will start to ‘test’ my patience, at the moment though I don’t find myself losing my patience very often.

My plan for dealing with the pushing the boundary phase is to be firm but fair, pick my battles, and treat tantrums with the move the furniture place them in the middle of the room stand back and wait for it to finish rule. If I’m out then it will be one warning and then out of the shop (or wherever) to somewhere I can use aforementioned approach. I’ll let you know if it works…

My problem areas now when it comes to patience, is wanting everything to happen now. This week I’ve tried to relax and accept that things will happen, but it can’t all happen right now and I need to go with the flow, safe in the knowledge that in general we are heading in the right direction.

This week hasn’t been the greatest week for testing this habit overall as nothing has really happened, I’ve been quite relaxed and even went on a girly overnighter!

My Verdict: I’m definitely going to try and be a little more laid back in general, and I think being a patient parent is a virtuous aspiration too.

Next Weeks’ Habit: Lose Weight (not quite a habit but worth pursuing if you need to, I’d like to slim down a little)

In a slight departure from my usual subject of parenting, today I’m thinking about marriage, the importance of being a happy couple, and the effect that has on our parenting and the happiness of our children.

Becoming a couple of parents after being just a couple can be a slight shock compared to the old regime of meals out and trips to the cinema. Parenting is great fun but finding the balance between parenting and enjoying couple time can be a challenge, finding the desire to rekindle the activities you used to enjoy is difficult, especially when you throw work and the need to carve out personal time into the mix. In my experience it’s taken almost eighteen months for me to appreciate this and to start finding the balance between being a parent and being the ‘old Erica’ who I have been told took a long holiday (I wish) while we figured out the sheer logistics of childcare - his new role (hunter/gatherer?), my new role (cook/carer?), and monetising the whole venture. The things we used to enjoy went on the backburner while we tried system after system after system, throwing each system out of the door for reasons such as ‘not earning enough money’, ‘no family time left’, ‘not bringing enough satisfaction’ etc etc…

After recently throwing out our latest system, of him working full time and me caring for Erin, studying and working part-time around that (pah!), we are back to square …, well, actually I’ve lost track, but he’s working full time and I’m looking after Erin and if need be I’ll do a saturday job if and when we need the money. We’ve finally turned out attention to enjoying life and each other a little more.

B.E (before Erin) we enjoyed eating out, playing computer games together and going to the cinema, and all the other things that couples like to do (yes, we are talking about that). When you’re a parents as well you need to be a little more inventive when it comes to pursuing the pre-parenting activities you used to enjoy. Here’s how we are managing, I hope that this gives you a bit of inspiration to pursue your own pre-parenting pursuits (say that afters a couple of drinks!, if you ever get round to having a night out..)

Going to the Cinema

We can still go to the cinema if we really want, my in laws live close to the cinema and it’s easy to drop Erin off for a few hours, however, it takes a little more effort than before and when I add in the annoyances of kids shouting and throwing popcorn (jeez, am I getting old?!) and the requirement of a bank loan for a tray of nacho’s and an Irn Bru, I wonder if it’s really worth it. The answer is very occasionally. Instead, we have invested in a nice flat screen dvd combi which we have in our bedroom and we’ll head to blockbuster for £3 and rent a dvd, much nicer…

Playing Computer Games

We used to like playing ps2 quite a bit (as Megin will vouch for!), but again, perhaps it’s me but I found it kind of boring and a time suck to sit idly tapping buttons. Instead, we have invested in a Nintendo Wii, which is a lot of fun, appeals to our (my) competitive streak and provides a pretty decent workout (don’t believe me? you try playing 6 games of tennis, three rounds of boxing and a game of golf….my back and shoulders ache!!). The Wii also gives us good reason to have some stay at home parties with nibbles and wii tournaments, very compatible with being a parent.

Eating Out

We now take turns of making meals, and trying new recipes. We are also trying to cut down on takeaways for both the monetary and health expenses and have replaced that with a fajita night. Alex’s are the best, bar none. I actually find the picnicky style of fajitas a more pleasant experience than a standard take-away.

Ahem, Extra-Curricular Activities

If you think I’m being a little coy here, you should go check your search results after you write anything remotely about….that. Especially after my most recent of said search results “have s _ x with littlemummy” my husband swears it wasn’t him! Anyway, extra curricular activities, never has the phrase ‘get a room’ meant so much, except now it’s ‘get a room, far, far away’. So next month I think we’re hoping to head away for our anniversary, and after all the magazines do advise these impromptu weekends away so there must be something in it…

I’m at that stage of parenthood where people often ask ‘when will we have another’, ‘how many do we want’, ‘what about a brother/sister for Erin’?

Prior to having Erin, our answer to question two was, “two”, “maybe three”…

Since Erin was about six months I have felt that perhaps three is the magic number, no, not three children, a family of three, Erin, Alex and I. Erin certainly hasn’t put me off having more, in fact, she’s the best daughter I could have hoped for, funny, laid back, loving, sociable and she shares my love (obsession?) of notebooks too, what more could a mother ask for?

Our family of three feels so right. Financially, a family of three is sensible, I have crohn’s and have been out of work off and on, I’m not eligible for any state support (I’m not complaining, that’s the way it is), so at times we have to survive on one wage.

In practical terms, we currently live in a two bedroom flat in Edinburgh, it would be impossible to afford a house at this stage, on one wage, plus I don’t want to commit myself to a full time job as soon as Erin is in school because I want to do a teaching degree, so we’ll be better off in the long term.

I value my personal time, and time for Alex and I to be a couple, perhaps it’s our age, we would be classed as younger parents, I’m 24 and Alex is 25, we definitely have plenty of life ambitions still to fulfill, for ourselves, and as a family.

No matter how great your kids are, there’s no doubt about it that motherhood is a strain, it’s tiring and it can be downright stressful, considering my health problems are triggered by stress and being run down, one child feels comfortable.

Sometimes I consider if my reasons are selfish, I suppose some of them are, but there’s no point in having more kids to prove how selfess I can be then stressing about how I will feed, clothe and sheter these children, that would be my responsibility and I wouldn’t expect my fellow citizens to pick up the tab, that type of pressure leads to stress, which for me results in illness. How can I be a good mother in a hospital bed?

I’ve come to the conclusion that there is no standard amount of children that is right for every family. As much as people say it shouldn’t come down to economics, the economics of a situation directly impact on the emotions. I would need to make the decision with my head and my heart. Of course, sometimes ’surprises’ happen and if that were the case I would just accept it was meant to be

What about you, thinking of having anymore?

One action that can have such a big impact.

One action that has no monetary cost.

It’s so easy that everyone could do it.

Once you’ve started it would easily become a habit.

After a while (or perhaps immediately), you will enjoy it so much you’ll never want to give it up, in fact there’s a danger you may become addicted…

This action takes 30 minutes and barely any effort at all. Take action now in 3 steps.

1. Put the answer phone on, turn the mobile off, do whatever it takes to find 30 minutes of uninterrupted time.

2. Find your children and go to their bedroom/playroom/garden.

3. Tell them they can choose a toy, a game, or any activity that they’d like you to do together. If your children are too young to choose, get the toys out and just play, or draw, or talk, or sing….spend 30 solid minutes playing, talking and being together.

Repeat Daily

Don’t look back and regret the half an hour you didn’t spend with your kids playing and talking. If you seriously can’t find 30 minutes everyday for your children, then you need to check your work/life imbalance.

Okay, I’m offline for 30 minutes

I’ve decided to test a different habit each week to see what sticks and what can improve my life. Why write about? Well, I’m a parent and want to test these habits to see if they work for me, if they do, you may want to try the new habit yourself. Some habits may be really beneficial for parents whereas others will flop for one reason or another.

The first week’s habit was getting up early, I’ve tried this habit before and it doesn’t really work. The point is that you get up earlier in a bid to get more done, if I get up earlier, Erin wakes earlier, and the only achievement is less shut eye for me.

Last week’s habit was doing less and slowing down. This is great timing for this habit, I’ve been ill due to being run down and stressing the little things. I’m going to really make the effort this week and log my findings.

By the way, I’m taking the habits from Zen Habits Handbook for Life. As you can see I have combined numbers two and three for this weeks’ challenge.

How did I do?

Considering I was still doing my part time job, not too bad. I have finished that job now and don’t intend to take on anythingelse for a while. I will be focussing my time on parenting, studying (open learning maths course) and a new project (of course I’ll still be blogging here as well). Anyway back to the reflection, so yeah, I think I did as well as possible. I did less cleaning and adhoc tasks that could wait while I focussed on getting the work done, which meant I also had more play time with Erin.

This is a habit I will be trying to keep, it’s well documented how busy parents are but I am going to try and only take on as much as I can handle instead of ‘trying to do it all’. I also want to try and go for gentle walks in the evening with my family to encourage some down time.

My Verdict: Doing Less and Slowing Down can benefit a parent. Give this one a try.

Next Week’s Habit: Patience (especially when parenting!)

Photo by flickr user MotherPie

1. Penny Toss

Provide pennies and bowls, mark a shooting spot on the grass, every penny in the pot wins a prize. [from Having Fun with Kids by Marilee LeBon]

2. Penny a Weed

We did something similar with snails when I was younger! Two pence for a snail though, it’s a dirty job.

3. Peanut Hunt

Buy a pack of monkey nuts, mark some ‘winning’ nuts, and then hide all the nuts. Give prizes to any kids who find winning nuts. [from Having Fun with Kids by Marilee LeBon]

4. Home-made Skittles

5. Face Painting

6. Bingo

7. Happy Sun Craft Project (Easy)

8. Short Tennis

You can buy children’s sets relatively cheaply. Get set up with some strawberries and cream and pretend you’re at Wimbledon.

9. Ripped Newspaper Art Project

10. Bike Rides

Pack a picnic and make it an all day outing.

11. Build Sandcastles

In a sandpit or on a beach, make flags from paper and straws for the top.

12. Make Homemade Birthday Cards

Most superstores have pre-packed sets for a few pounds/dollars, which usually include card, glue, stickers and glitter.

13. Make Chocolate Fondue

14. Day Camp

Set up a tent and provide picnic food, and have a day camp in the back garden

15. Karaoke Competition

Hold a karaoke competition, or go one further and host a ’stars in their eyes’ final with all the kids imitating pop stars.

16. Blind Taste Test

Blindfold each child in turn and provide a few different foodstuffs, mark down which ones they get right. Provide a small prize for the winner.

17. Play Hide and Seek

18. Ice Cream Picture Activity

19. Egg and Spoon Races

Use the plastic eggs from the toy kitchen, if you have one.

20. Visit a Science Museum

21. Put on a Play

Provide a good story book and get the children to choose parts and act it out.

22. Read-athon

Hold a read-a-thon, see how many books they can read in an alotted time.

23. Play Marble Mania

24. Backyard Cookery Class

Hold a cookery class in your own back garden. Tailor recipes to the appropriate age, but perhaps homemade pizzas, fruit kebabs and fairy cakes would be a good place to start.

25. Visit a Farmers Market

Pick ingredients and make a homemade soup or ratatouille.

26. Sponge Painting

Provide a length of plain wallpaper, some sponges and some paint. Hey presto!

27. Sand Art

28. Colour-in Printouts

There are various sites to get print-outs, just search in google.

29. Stencilling with Doilies


30. Visit the Library

Try and arrange to go during story-telling time.

31. Model with Play-dough

32. Go Swimming

33. Make Chocolate Krispie Cakes

34. Build an Obstacle Course

Build an obstacle course in the back garden and time each other. Use and play equipment you have, ie tubes, climbing frame, bikes, hula hoops, skipping ropes with household items like sheets as scramble nets.

35. Chalk Drawing

Use white chalk on black paper, or the patio as a canvas!

36. Go Bark Rubbing

37. Build Cardboard Robots

38. Jigsaw Puzzles

Do jigsaw puzzles and then try and make your own from card.

39. Water Play

Fill water balloons and pistols for older kids.

40. Make Homemade Musical Instruments

41. Sticker Picture

Provide stickers and plain card, it’s that easy!

42. Make Sock Puppets

43. Fondant Icing Characters

Provide a few different colours of fondant icing (colour with food colouring) and let your children make animals and characters from cartoons.

44. Start a Herb Garden

45. Listen to a Story CD

You can usually borrow these from the library.

46. Make Painted Pasta Jewellery

47. Make an Alphabet Scrapbook

Use a page for each letter and find magazine cut outs of the letter to stick in, great activity for preschoolers.

48. Play Card Games

Uno, snap and pairs can provide a couple of hours of fun.

49. Photography

Buy them a disposable camera to practice taking photos of wildlife and scenery.

50. Summer Scrapbook

Make a scrapbook with photos, pictures and comments on everything you’ve done over the holidays.

If you liked this please subscribe - I don’t know how to subscribe. Subscribe via email in the right hand column.