My focus at the moment is ‘honouring my time and worth’. It came up at a work conference and then I realised how much it applies to life and parenting too.
It’s really made me think about the work I do, what I charge, my own self worth and how that affects my pricing. As well as how I act socially and with family.
It doesn’t matter if you run a business, run the home or work for someone else, we all need to recognise our value and time. If we don’t value it nobody else will either!
One of the main human fears is rejection: in fact I heard once that it was the number one fear. Being rejected by our fellow human beings can be one of the most hurtful things that can happen. It comes from our ancient background, our need to be an accepted part of the ‘tribe’.
To avoid rejection many people choose to go ‘under the radar’ or do things to be accepted even if this is at odds with their own needs. Parenting asks you to be very selfless I find, especially modern ‘helicopter’ style parenting, and I don’t think it’s altogether healthy for anyone (parent or child).
Some people never ask for what they really need as they’re too frightened they might be rejected or that they will be putting someone else out. This was definitely me (was!). It’s ok to put other people’s needs first occasionally but if you’re repeatedly putting your own needs last then that’s a problem.
It’s the classic ‘fit your own mask’ first. If you learn to look after and respect your own needs you have more to give to others. I think parenting can often result in forced martyrdom – who can be the most selfless – who can ‘give’ the most to their kids even if that’s at the expense of other things like their own wellbeing, the partnership between the parents etc..
I honestly think it’s unhealthy for kids too, what sort of example are you setting if you constantly take care of your own needs last? What is that teaching them? Don’t get me wrong, as a parent you do need to be prepared to sacrifice in many areas and of course the pay off is absolutely worth it, but has the line become blurred when it comes to who has their needs filled (and who doesn’t) and who takes priority? Is this serving anyone involved very well?