I Can’t Do it Anymore
Seventeen years! Seventeen years I’ve been doing this and I can’t cope anymore, it’s ok to laugh about it, but really it’s not funny anymore. I’m finding myself waking up in the morning dreading what lays ahead, not because of the content of my day, I’ve filled my days with things I enjoy, but because of the ball and chain.
In the words of Michael Jackson I need to make a change, and it isn’t going to be easy. In fact the prospect positively frightens me, but I need to do it. I can’t face a life of being tied down like this. I need to go with ‘my flow’ I don’t want to feel like I can’t do X because it’s not on my list. I’ve been making and following lists since I was nine years old and I just can’t do it anymore, I think it’s having a really negative impact on my life and it’s time to kick the habit.
Somehow I don’t think it’s going to be easy, I think my list making is more than just a habit. Smoking was a habit, I went cold turkey and gave that up in an instant when something important came along, it was just a habit. My list making verges on obsession, and dare I mention the three letter abbreviation that will make you all think I’m at best completely crackers (OCD). It’s serious my friends, I won’t lie to you. I’ve relied on my lists for so long now I don’t know how to live without them. How will I know what to do? I actually think I’ve lost the inbuilt thing that makes you do things everyday, I just get up, get dressed and look at my list.
So today is my first day ‘off list’, I don’t know if I’ll last, I’m trying to go cold turkey and hope that works, if not, I’ll need to try and wean myself off.
Anyonelse suffer from OCLMD (obsessive compulsive list making disorder)? Are you ruled by ‘the list’?
I've been blogging for four years and write about anything and everything that takes my fancy.
Above is me with my beloved Ernie in Port Aventura and left with our love child in Florida.
Themocracy
I think we all have a bit of compulsion thing, I used to be terrible, it was linked to my PND and I got help (CBT). I am still somewhat anal with some things. I have to have the bed just right on a night and am a nightmare with my lists before holidays, but it is so much better than it was.
I can be spontanious now, which is great. We have a meal planner, but I be flexable during the week if need be.
Good luck and I know that it might have been a light hearted post, but in all seriousness I hope that you can break away from this adiction.
I don’t think I can give up my meal planner, I think that’s a positive outlet for my obsession, but the rest needs to go!
Really surprised by this, hon, but with you all the way – anything OCD is no joke and I speak as someone who was bleaching the INSIDE of the cupboard doors this morning. I let myself off as child 2 had her bday party yesterday and I always find them stressful. Recognising triggers is important! Good luck and be kind to yourself! You’ve had a lot on xx
oh my, good luck.
Hi DD,
I’m not sure I can call it ‘real’ OCD but it’s pretty hindering nonetheless. It has steadily become worse over the years. I’m not sure if I have ‘triggers’ it just seems to be an ongoing thing, maybe a control thing?
Way to go! Let us know how Off-List Day goes.
I think you’re talking rubbish. For 6 reasons;
1. There is nothing wrong with list making
2. It adds structure to your day to day life
3. It marshalls your thoughts
4. It means everyone thinks you are uber efficient because you get everything done on your list.
5. Only really really cool people make lists.
6. My house is COVERED in lists. I have one in my pocket right now and, ooo hell have just had a cold sweat because I thought I lost it …
Great list Tara
Lists can be useful, I often don’t make them and then forget really important stuff. So they definitely help me keep on top of things with my scatterbrain. I also find if I tick things off it gives me a sense of achievement. So they can be good, obviously not if they get into the way of things as you describe. Cold turkey sounds scary, hope it goes well!
I need to make lists!
I am so unorganised and constantly forgetting to do important things, that if I made lists and stuck to it boring stuff would get done.
Does anyone have suggestions for being uber organised without lists?
I think we need to meet in the middle somewhere. I very rarely make lists. Makes my head hurt thinking about making them.
I kind of feel that I should be making lists so you borrow a bit of my ‘flying by the seat of my pants’ attitude and I’ll borrow a few of your super list making skills and we can have a happy life somewhere in the middle ground.
My daily life wouldn’t progress without lists! I don’t see it as a problem, more a necessity and a security blanket for the efficacy of life. If I don’t write things down that need to be done/bought, then I simply forget and feel cross with myself if my husband then asks ‘did you remember to get so and so when you were out, like we discussed?..etc. Grr! Obviously I would be concerned if I had to write a list to remind me to feed the dog and the cats, for example, but I think we all lead such madly hectic lives that a little list direction is a necessity. Don’t worry about it if it what makes your life function more easily!
I don’t do lists everyday, but sometimes feel I should! Had a rubbish day at work on Saturday – had loads of stuff in my head, but didn’t get any of it done. If I’d written it down, would I have achieved?
A friend has a white board in her kitchen with jobs to be done day/week/month. Seems to work. Not totally minute detail, but also helps with communicating with partner and children. Maybe I should learn from her – need some help in that department as hubby keeps saying, “Why didn’t you tell me that x needed doing?” – answer, “Thought it was obvious/you knew/it always has to be done….”…..
Good luck though and let us know how you get on. Maybe you will find some middle ground.
I have to write lists or I would forget to do things – I think my brain is like my hard disk drive and needs to be de-fragged!
Diney, I think it had become more than just the necessities. I probably won’t give up completely, but it’s horrible being scheduled up to the eyeballs everyday.
Middle ground is where I’m aiming for Tracey
I would be lost without my lists as I’d forget everything I needed to do, so they are necessary. But if something wasn’t on my list I’d still do it of course and if I lost my list it would not be the end of the world. So I think a slightly less stressed approach is needed Erica. Your lists may be an outlet you need. Maybe there is something more behind them. Possibly.
I think they have just become a habit. Recently I’ve been finding that rather than doing the thing that I’m really enthused to do in that moment (studying, craft with Erin, blogging) I just do what’s on my list meaning that, that moment where I would have been ultra focused on X is lost.
Does that make sense?
I do lists too, not every day but certainly often. The secret is not too get too hung up on achieving everything on the list and treat it as a guide rather than a target… I suppose. I certainly don’t give a fig if I don’t tick everything off!
You’re just not seeing the fun social side of list making! Stop by listography.com or buy one of the books and you’ll feel better. Listing is how we make sense of life, just leave some space on the list for adventure!
Mrs W – My lists were everyday and all day – christmas day and boxing day off + when on holiday and that’s it
If I can add another to Tara’s list
7. Laura doesn’t make lists.
This means that I am soooo disorganised. I am “Last Minute Laura’ stumbling from day to day without knowing what we’re going to have for tea (no meal planner), what the children need for school.
I have a list going right now with an item on it that says “make list of things to do this weekend”! If I didn’t have lists I would probably not be half as productive as I am, and I now put them in my iphone and feel very organized because I can’t even lose them now (please god must not lose iphone!) In fact my only worry is that I forget to put important things on my lists!
i dont write lists, but i do have ocd and i know its not funny! im trying to go cold turkey letting go of my hoarding habit that ive had for since long as i can remember.I have rituals that i have to do every day. i know how scared i am of changing too, into the unknown. I started yesterday and i have to do this huge change. But its part of my identity now and I feel like im giving up me! I know i need to find other interests to fill my life with but what…. let me know how it goes. Im rooting for you. x