What’s Holding You Back?
I’ve just read an excellent post at Mummy Do That! In fact I’d urge you to read it before you read this one. It may help this one make sense 
Off you go then, I’ll be waiting…
That post made me think about my myself and my own life, I love posts that do that. Straight after I read the bit about what holds her back the thing that holds me back popped into my head, as if it’s always there but comes to the fore when the subject is mentioned, or when I’m faced with a situation which threatens to turn my fear into reality.
I have a fear of failing. I don’t worry about how I will react, I’m actually very resilient and happy to get back up and try again or try somethingelse. I worry about other people’s reaction to my failing. What will they think of me, are they judging me… that kind of thing and it can be debillitating forever having to factor in the chances of failing at anything for fear of being judged, especially when you’re walking a slightly alternative path. Note: I realise this is my problem and nothing to do with the actually very supportive people around me.
The old saying about not worrying about what others think is easier said than done for me.
I wanted to write this post because I felt that accepting the fear, bringing it into the open will help me conquer it.
What holds you back in life?
I've been blogging for four years and write about anything and everything that takes my fancy.
Above is me with my beloved Ernie in Port Aventura and left with our love child in Florida.
Themocracy
I’ve always been a feel the fear and do it anyway type of gal, and I stopped worrying about what other people think of me a long time ago. But at the moment my biggest fear is that I will finish the novel I’m writing and no one will want to publish it. So this is stopping me from finishing it. Nuts.
Wow. This is interesting. To be perfecting honest, I have not ben surrounded by people who have been supportive and have always received the message that I am not capable. With a lot of professional help and support I have come to realise that I am not this person and as a result I have developed some self-belief. Now I’m getting on and doing things and proving I am capable. I suppose I am held back to an extent by money (lack of) and childcare (lack of) but I’m certainly in a much better position to move forward in my life and make my own choices now than I was before, and that is all very exciting.
What if there was no such thing as failure? Because, really, there isn’t. We try. If what we try doesn’t work, it wasn’t the right time. We can try again, differently or later. If only we could delete the word fail and failure out of the OED, the world would be full of possibilities! Fear of failure is one of the biggies with the board breaking, you’re not on your own!
I’m trying my best to live the ‘feel the fear and do it anyway’ life. Get that book finished
Rosie, I think we’re all held back to a certain extent. I’m trying to navigate the money and childcare issues as best I can too. I won’t let it become an excuse for not pursuing what I should though.
Do you think some people use these obstacles as an excuse, or to cover what’s really holding them back? (I’m talking generally here, nobody in particular)
Thanks cartside, I’d love it if we could eradicate the word and idea of ‘failure’.
Great post BTW
I love this post. I think it will strike a cord in a lot of people.
Personally the thing that holds me back is the fear that people will realise I don’t actaully know what I’m doing! I have to make it up as I go along.
Not being very eloquent, I don’t think on my feet and I can’t talk myself out of things very easily or quickly, and that puts me off trying.
HOWEVER..I’ve started a project with the encouragment of a successful friend who said ‘talk to people’. Know what you want to achieve and set about creating a ‘map’ to get there. Figure out what you need to do, how you’re going to do it, talk to people about it etc. Then follow that map and don’t stop till you get to the end.
I can so realte to this.
I think for me blogging was part of a leap of faith on my part to see of I could do something I always feared I couldn’t and I do still worry what people think.
It has hurt when a few people I though were friends haven’t supported me in this new adventure but when oush comes to shove, the only person who can get me to where I want to be is me no matter who does or doesn’t support me.
Ultimately I’m not entirely sure what I was to do aand I’m trying not to let the fear of trying out new and sometimes unexpected avenues deter me.
Thought provoking indeed!
Sorry for rambling
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Oh and that should say relate not realte. Gah.
Great advice Fiona, are we all just blagging it a little bit? I think the really successful people out there were just a bit better at blagging it until they got going.
Insomniac Mummy – are we talking about offline people, because I’ve experienced a bit of that too, but now I realise that a lot of it is a lack of understanding, a lot of people just don’t ‘get it’. Don’t let it put you off, you’ve come a long way in a short space of time, I think you’re destined for good things
My friends think I am successful, my team trust me and follow me, my children (I hope) will look up to me and be proud, but deep down I worry about everything and I am quite anxious and as I have got older my body is showing the physical ravages of this (IBS, Daily tablets for acid indigestion). Do I have a fear of failing – God yes, am I doing what I really want to, NO. Unfortunately it is human to doubt our own abilities and one insenstive comment given to a child will haunt them forever and hold them back. So can we stop holding ourselves back? I don’t know, but I do know we can do everything we can for the next generation so they don’t hold back.. My goodness, massive rant – apologies, you obviously hit a nerve.
I have a book about feeling the fear, but not living with it. It is a very buddest thing…
I am trying, but it isn’t always successful
Muddynosugar – can empathise with IBS and body issues, I have crohns and it’s something I’ve had to come to terms with, I’m not sure how the disease will play out, I just hope its kind to me.
Madhouse – All we can do is try
ps I’m loving your advent posts.
Oh yes yes yes. It is the fear of failing with me too. If I feel that there is the slightest chance I might not do something perfectly, I instinctively react by feeling a should not even try at all. It’s not even other people, it’s me. I have a need to do well, to be top of the class. I know I make others proud, I just wish I could make ME proud too. I am trying, to take more risks, to not be afraid of doing things badly but just DO! but it is hard. Really really hard.
Josie – I think then it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, you fail by not even trying, which dents your self-esteem and then it’s a vicious circle.
I guess it’s about breaking the cycle and as you say taking the risks.
My stupid belief that if something is not perfect then it is somehow not as worthwhile. I am having to learn very quickly that things cannot be perfect but are still good since becoming a mum! I am learning that having a go is perfectly fine.