Scotland’s Exclusive Wedding Event…ahem…

It’s 11pm and my eyes are stinging, I started flagging at about 3pm. Wedding fairs (fayres?) are completely knackering. Today I accompanied my sister in law, mother in law, Aunty, and my sister in law’s mother in law to be….following me? My sister in law is getting married and this was her first (my second) wedding fair and we were out to gather some inspiration and ideas, we were treated to that, and a whole lot more

Our day started at 8.45am at waverley station, Edinburgh. We go to Glasgow about twice a year, once in the summer usually for holiday shopping and once at Christmas, eh, for shopping. We always go by train and we always have a ‘picnic’ on the train. Someone volunteers to buy the picnic and this morning was no different. As the train pulled away we tucked into muffins, croissants and bagels washed down with fresh juice and coffee, the snack trolley lady merely looked at us and then at our mini banquet and shuffled along.

Fed and watered we headed for the concert hall for ‘Scotland’s exclusive wedding event’. Half ten was approaching and I was chosen to step forth to try and enter the event, the others watched tentatively to see if I’d be stopped, I stepped inside and was quickly huckled back, these places are sticklers for timing, we waited til’ a blaring announcement made it clear we could enter.

We started out at one of the over two hundred stands where we scored some free cake. Most stands were offering something, discounts, leaflets, sweets and booze to the more unusual… eyelash extensions anyone? One of the oddest stands, or so I thought was the ‘dental care’ stand, apparently whitening and straightening are essential to a succesful marriage and spectacular wedding, who’d have known?

The live fashion show was definitely the highlight of the day. The show started with ‘scene 1′ an act called the ‘Stewart Reid Band’ a two man band made up of a middle aged vocalist that thinks he’s still 20 and a guitar playing geek with inward facing feet and an odd playing style (I’m no guitar expert but I’m not convinced he was actually playing at all) their rendition of an Al Green classic was bad but it was the more modern Killers track that, er, killed their afternoon. This was followed by a far better operatic pairing and some pretty dresses. Just as things were looking up they took a nose dive when two of the dress models decided to have a little sing song which come off like a rather odd karaoke. Then to make things worse the male models decided to rejoin them for a dance, their come hither sexual gestures were too much for me, I broke into tears of hilarity.

A few more dresses and then we were treated to an Irish dancing duo, which would have been pleasant enough until we realised that one of the (adult) dancers was wearing a thong and everytime she did a leap you could see her arse, nice. As if that wasn’t enough, um, entertainment a Stavros Flatley-a-like came leaping on with four mates, and got me to wondering who the hell books these acts? The show rounded off with indoor fireworks and a confetti explosion. I’m only sorry I didn’t have my flip camera with me