Socially Recognised Mothering Standards – The First Year
Following on from ‘Socially Recognised Mothering Standards – Pregnancy, Birth & Newborn‘.
9. One should purchase the most expensive pram and swan about like a modern ‘Yummy Mummy’ during the entire first year.
10. One should lavish the child with gifts and expensive clothes, but the child should not become ‘spoiled’ in the toddler years to follow.
11. Under no circumstances should you accept ‘hand me down’ or ‘gently used’ clothing or equipment. Everything must be purchased new, at great expense to one’s pocket and the environment.
12. One must decide whether they will become a ‘SAHM’ a ‘WAHM’ or a ‘Career Mum’. Neither choice will end in complete happiness and one must always express guilt. Choices are;
Guilt for staying at home: Not contributing to the homestead coffers.
Guilt for working at home: Not spending enough time with child.
Guilt for working: Leaving the child in childcare (guilt expression levels can directly correlate with your daycare fees, a general rule of thumb is: the higher the fees the less guilt required).
13. One should enrol their child in a variety of activities which should include something physical (gymnastics?), something musical (percussion?) and something academical (spanish?). This ‘regime’ should begin any time from six months but not after the child’s first birthday. One should always brag about their child’s accomplishments especially to those parents who don’t give two hoots that your 9 month old can count to ten in three languages.
14. Amongst other things your general duties should include the following;
Feed the baby (homemade only)
Change the baby
Clothe the baby (matching outfits at all times)
Play with the baby
Read with baby
Wean baby
Teach baby to walk
Give baby massage
Take baby to aforementioned activities
All must carried out in a timely fashion, with patience, whilst simultaneously working, sleeping, have some ‘me’ time, keeping the home gleaming, keeping partner happy.
One must not admit to feeling even a little frazzled.
15. One most throw a large birthday bash to celebrate the first year. Clowns, outside caterers, unicyclists, magicians may all feature. Guest numbers should be in the hundreds, the cost should break four figures. Oh, and don’t forget the bl**dy party bags!!
Just a bit of fun, but a bit of truth too, please add your own!
I've been blogging for four years and write about anything and everything that takes my fancy.
Above is me with my beloved Ernie in Port Aventura and left with our love child in Florida.
Themocracy
one should never walk arround with possetted milk on your shoulder or (cringeing at admiting this) a perfect little footprint in poo on your cream trousers
ha ha
Ps Thanks for the link – I have done something special with it!
I’m totally guilty of that last one! We had about 250 people at Baby Bug’s first birthday party! Yikes!
Thank you for submitting this post to the Carnival of Family Life. Our 1 year anniversary edition will be up on May 7th!
kailani
An Island Life
I think we are all ‘guilty’ of a few. I bought an expensive pram, although, I don’t think it made me anymore yummy mummy!!
[...] Remember that very first year of your newborn’s life? Erica of LittleMummy.com takes a funny look at the things we new parents do in Socially Recognised Mothering Standards – The First Year. How many are you guilty of? [...]
I am guilty of buying everything new with my first one, and the expensive clothes. The Easter and Christmas dresses my daughter only wore maybe twice. Sure I kept them as hand me downs for my other 2 daugters, and my SIL have passed them back and forth with our girls, but the FIRST one got everything NEW!
Loved your list.
Here via the Carnival of Family Life.
What a great list. My laughter suggests that either I have been guilty or I entertained thoughts along the lines of some of the points.
What a fun way to mirror the pretense of modern mothering. It spoke to me.
Here via the Carnival of FL.
Megan from Down Under.