Socially recognised mothering standards eh? Yeah, you know, all that stuff that as a mother you are expected to do and the unsaid standards you are expected to keep [at all times].
1. One should work until they drop (literally) before beginning maternity leave, you should be so tired you can barely stand up and proceed to give birth the very next day. You should brag to other mothers about said martyrdom.
2. One should have a natural birth which should involve rose petals, water and classical music. Screaming, pain, gore, and pain relief should definitely not feature. One should ALWAYS brag though, if they had a difficult birth and much pain was endured (without pain relief).
3. One should breastfeed their newborn cherub the moment it exits the birth canal, even if they are utterly exhausted and all they want is a nice warm shower. Under no cicumstances should you either accept or ask for the ‘F’ word. (formula)
4. If one has had a Caesarean (which must never be elective) one must bounce right out of bed after only a few hours and proceed with normal daily life as if no major surgery has been undertaken, one must always listen to the nurses when they say you CAN get out of bed, and always ingnore one’s inner voice telling them they are about to pass out.
5. Once home with the newborn one should take to mothering with gusto and confidence, receiving visitors, whilst simultaneously breastfeeding, writing thank you cards for copious amounts of gifts and cooking homemade suppers.
6. One should resume normal sexual activity, preferably, within the week.
7. One should ‘find’ her figure and return to the size 10 skinny jeans within the fortnight. One should ALWAYS brag to her not-so-fortunate friends.
8. One’s beautiful bouncing baby should be ‘sleeping through’ any time before six weeks to qualify for bragging rights.
Just a bit of fun, but a bit of truth too, please add your own!